It’s been said that a good life is a collection of happy moments, so are our memories the architect of who we are?   The other day, my daughter spent a couple of days with me. She had just moved out of my house after spending a year recuperating from brain surgery to remove a tumor. Some of the issues she was having a difficult time with were her inability to tap into her memories at will. We were having a light hearted conversation until the conversation switched to memories when we used to live in California. I saw her eyes tear up and she trembled as she spoke about wishing she could go back to California and to the days she remembers as being so happy.

     Without a doubt, the last couple of years had been real rough on her. She didn’t only have to fight this stubborn tumor, but also the demise of her marriage because of it.

   It’s human nature to have thoughts sometimes of wanting to go back to happier times. However I have come to know that indulging in those thoughts too often can lead us right out of the present and into a false history that leaves us stuck in the past.

     I did not remember our days in California as being wonderful, and in the last twenty-five years, the politics, the economy and the crime has not only doubled but quadrupled. As a troubled teen, I witnessed her struggle with grief from the death of her sister, feelings of acceptance, rebelliousness and periods of loneliness.

     I wanted her to know what I had learned, and it was about her age that I had learned them. I said someday you will look back on this day that you are living right now and it will be the past, and for some strange reason, if it is a happy or joyful time, you will think of it as being a hundred times happier. You will through time, sift through those pesky or painful little things that on a day to day basis keeps you a little upset, a little angry, and a little depressed and eventually only remember the good things. It’s not fair really, because it isn’t a true picture of life, of the way things really are, and until we start to see it the way it is you will always wish you could go back to when things were better, simpler and not so painful, but those days never really did exist in reality. Life is filled with potholes, bumps in the road and things that can bring tears to our eyes and the way we handle them will determine the kind of future we will have. Things that teach us or effect our emotions are stored in a part of the brain that we hope we will never lose. Painful things are also stored, and before we can kick them out of our head, we usually have to process them and put them in their place, and if we are lucky, maybe they will fade.

   Even though past years seem safely distant, and you can whirl them in your mind the way you want to remember them and our heart’s memory wants to dull the bad and magnify the good, so how else can we endure some of the burdens of the past? You can use the present to build your friendships and create lasting relationships that can walk down the road of life with you as you grow, but you can’t put them on a shelf and think someday you can pick them up and continue where you left off. Creating memories good memories with others will be the glue that will help build a long lasting relationship; not for the benefit of the past but for the benefit of the now, but they are not the cure all for trials, past or present.

   When I hear people moan and complain about how exhausting it is to be a parent of small children, I always respond with, “Be careful, these days go by so fast. You blink and they are grown, and sometimes when it’s too late you realize that your happiest days were when your children were small and you could hold them in your arms or on your lap and you could create memories with them that ensures them of your love. One of the best things we can do for our children, no matter the age, is to create good memories with them, not so they can go back and wish they could relive them, but so that they feel a bond with us and a desire to do the same for their children.

    When you crave happier times, go out and make happy times, connect with loved ones, find all the ways to be grateful for the blessings you have now and know that true happiness really does lie in the here and now…..and when you think about it, that is real power!