Author: KDH&BJH

Kathleen D. Hamilton

A Legitimate Journey

KDH&BJH
Hamilton front cover 1-21-2018
When tragedies or trials appear in our life, it may seem as if life
is unfair and surviving them impossible. A Legitimate Journey
chronicles Kathleen’s story through such trials. Her lessons
are many, and she desires to share them with others so they may find their
way back to hope and happiness.
Our journey through trials is not easy and grief doesn’t come with
an instruction manual, but this book is the closet guide you will find to
help you deal with many of those challenges. Kathleen also shares many
valuable tools to help navigate the journey.
Kathleen spent many years working in the funeral industry
observing many journeys of loss and healing. She also worked as a facilitator
with the Compassionate Friends. As a public speaker and entertainer, one
of her greatest joys is sharing the light and lessons of survival. She
believes most people will face a mountain in their life, but she knows all are
capable of making it to the top, however, to get to the top, you must climb
it. Some of life’s most profound lessons come while you are climbing and

reaching the top changes how you view the world and your life.

Kathleen D. Hamilton
KDH&BJH

memories number 1

It’s been said that a good life is a collection of happy moments, so are our memories the architect of who we are?   The other day, my daughter spent a couple of days with me. She had just moved out of my house after spending a year recuperating from brain surgery to remove a tumor. Some of the issues she was having a difficult time with were her inability to tap into her memories at will. We were having a light hearted conversation until the conversation switched to memories when we used to live in California. I saw her eyes tear up and she trembled as she spoke about wishing she could go back to California and to the days she remembers as being so happy.

     Without a doubt, the last couple of years had been real rough on her. She didn’t only have to fight this stubborn tumor, but also the demise of her marriage because of it.

   It’s human nature to have thoughts sometimes of wanting to go back to happier times. However I have come to know that indulging in those thoughts too often can lead us right out of the present and into a false history that leaves us stuck in the past.

     I did not remember our days in California as being wonderful, and in the last twenty-five years, the politics, the economy and the crime has not only doubled but quadrupled. As a troubled teen, I witnessed her struggle with grief from the death of her sister, feelings of acceptance, rebelliousness and periods of loneliness.

     I wanted her to know what I had learned, and it was about her age that I had learned them. I said someday you will look back on this day that you are living right now and it will be the past, and for some strange reason, if it is a happy or joyful time, you will think of it as being a hundred times happier. You will through time, sift through those pesky or painful little things that on a day to day basis keeps you a little upset, a little angry, and a little depressed and eventually only remember the good things. It’s not fair really, because it isn’t a true picture of life, of the way things really are, and until we start to see it the way it is you will always wish you could go back to when things were better, simpler and not so painful, but those days never really did exist in reality. Life is filled with potholes, bumps in the road and things that can bring tears to our eyes and the way we handle them will determine the kind of future we will have. Things that teach us or effect our emotions are stored in a part of the brain that we hope we will never lose. Painful things are also stored, and before we can kick them out of our head, we usually have to process them and put them in their place, and if we are lucky, maybe they will fade.

   Even though past years seem safely distant, and you can whirl them in your mind the way you want to remember them and our heart’s memory wants to dull the bad and magnify the good, so how else can we endure some of the burdens of the past? You can use the present to build your friendships and create lasting relationships that can walk down the road of life with you as you grow, but you can’t put them on a shelf and think someday you can pick them up and continue where you left off. Creating memories good memories with others will be the glue that will help build a long lasting relationship; not for the benefit of the past but for the benefit of the now, but they are not the cure all for trials, past or present.

   When I hear people moan and complain about how exhausting it is to be a parent of small children, I always respond with, “Be careful, these days go by so fast. You blink and they are grown, and sometimes when it’s too late you realize that your happiest days were when your children were small and you could hold them in your arms or on your lap and you could create memories with them that ensures them of your love. One of the best things we can do for our children, no matter the age, is to create good memories with them, not so they can go back and wish they could relive them, but so that they feel a bond with us and a desire to do the same for their children.

    When you crave happier times, go out and make happy times, connect with loved ones, find all the ways to be grateful for the blessings you have now and know that true happiness really does lie in the here and now…..and when you think about it, that is real power!

Kathleen D. Hamilton

New Year, New Health

KDH&BJH

From the pages of A Legitimate Journey by Kathleen D. Hamilton

Why can grief affect our physical health? Studies show that grief does compromise the immune system, leaving the door open for illness to take hold. It is possible for grief to lower the white cell count, increasing the probabilities of various maladies to rear their ugly heads, i.e.: colds, viruses’ high blood pressure and possible heart problems. Prolonged immune disorders increase risks and affect the overall health and physical well-being of people all the time. When physical health suffers, spiritual health suffers as well.

There are not many people who totally escape grief in one form or another. We all have trials, and getting through those trials can sometimes be a daunting task, however, to achieve good health it is important to be able to have the energy to move through them and return to a joyful life. Grief and many trials rob of us energy and can set us up for depression, stress related illnesses and feelings of hopelessness.

As the New Year begins, and we decide to get our health in check, here are some things to keep in mind.

During grief and just life in general, it takes more than calories to keep us alive and thriving. God designs our bodies to heal. Just as it is essential to feed the soul with uplifting and positive input, it is essential to feed the body with clean natural foods. Learning what to eat and what not to eat is crucial in a crisis. Too many people during grief are literally taken into bondage with ill health because they don’t take the time to eat right.

We live in a world of fast foods, quick microwaveable meals and soda pop. We always seem to fall back on the easy things and wonder why we fall into a state of dis-ease. It’s easier to pop pills for our pain,  eat foods that are full of toxins and chemicals to preserve their shelf life, than it is to take the time to prepare foods that will build us. We also eat out of cans where the nutrients and enzymes have been removed so there is not enough nutrition in them to keep us alive for long let alone heal us.

Our bodies were created with the ability to heal and restore, but not if we neglect to give them the proper nutrition.

So what kind of New Year’s resolutions should we make if our goal is to return to good health? Go beyond what you need to do to lose weight and remember that optimal health is the goal.

Take a look at nature and let it inspire you to know what is best for your body. Eat abundantly live whole foods, try to breathe clean air, drink clean water and avoid as many toxins as you can because many are the culprits that make your liver work harder. The liver is responsible for cleansing your blood and balancing your minerals. You overwork your liver by consuming too many toxins, therefore, decreasing its ability to cleanse your body and rebuild your cells.

Trying to stay clear of too many man made altered foods, and adding naturally grown fruits and vegetables to your diet along with beans, nuts and seeds are a good step forward to rebuilding and repairing your wonderfully designed body.

Here’s hoping for a new healthy year!

Kathleen D. Hamilton

From the pages of: A Legitimate Journey

KDH&BJH

A pratical inspiring guide.

The wisdom of life lies in understanding, combined with action.  It is really the process of learning from our problems that can give our life meaning.  Problems do not go away, nor can they be ignored for long. If we try to avoid them, no matter how, we create barriers to our growth and development, even to the point where our spirits shrivel.  It takes discipline to solve problems, yet it is with complete resolve and dedicated discipline that, ultimately , we can solve all problems, whether on a personal level or on a humanity level.  It is from climbing those mountains and reaching the top that we also grow in courage and wisdom.  Without experiencing life, we cannot grow.  Sooner or later , if we can accept that our life is a series of personal choices and decisions, we gain the wisdom to know that from our choices and the lessons we gain, we can actually discover true joy.  At some time in each life, people will find themselves lost in some kind of wilderness where the light of God can appear like rain on a parched desert floor or like air to someone gasping for oxygen. We may all experience some type of wilderness so we can learn that if we look up, help is there.

Broken Heart, Challenges, GoFundMe, Grief, Healing, Hope, Kathleen D. Hamilton, Light, Medical, Service, Trials

Caution: Don’t Overlook Miracles

KDH&BJH

IMG_2522

Many people have asked the question about how Kris found out about the tumor that planted itself deep inside her head and continued to grow without her knowledge for many years. So today I decided to share the story because it’s impact can teach many people about recognizing miracles or putting your faith and hope in God’s hands when you become afraid or when you want answers and can’t seem to find them.

Kris had many challenges in her life, first as a child, then as a young single mother, working hard to raise her three boys. One of the beautiful things about Kris is her ability to make others laugh with her jovial sense of humor, and her compassion for others.

She believed she had found love, and a life that brought her peace and security. She worked hard to get there, and it was fast becoming evident when she and her husband were able to open their own business, a restaurant in eastern Oregon, and she went in and added her creative touches to the place , so much so that when  customers walked through the door, they could feel her warmth and see her passion in the décor and food.

Preparing for her first Mother’s Day as a new owner last year, she decided to give her patron’s a beautiful Mother’s Day brunch.  I was going to help her, since I had owned a restaurant before and had done some catering, so we met the week before for breakfast at a restaurant in town to go over the final menu and plan out the shopping list.

First miracle: I usually sat next to her, so we could go over our list together but for some reason, I took the seat across the table.  I can’t explain why I did, only that I did. I sat there for a minute and looked into her eyes. Now, I knew she was tired, and she also shared with me that she was suffering from allergies that the sage brush was stirring up over there. But, when I noticed that her left eye was drooping, I became concerned.  I was no stranger to brain injury symptoms since I had experienced them with my other children, so I called her attention to the droopy eye, and said I was afraid she might have had a stroke.

She was young, so she wasn’t too concerned, and blamed in on her allergies.  However, I did ask her to so see a doctor.  “When I have time,” was her reply. I was concerned she would go back to work, get too involved and that time would never come.

A week later on the eve of Mother’s Day, she called me early in the morning and was crying in pain and asked if I could come and take her to the emergency room. Second Miracle:  Apparently she had been walking out of the restaurant and without warning she fell; she was sure she had broken a rib.

I remember driving over there thinking that this would also be a good opportunity to have a doctor look at her head.  I was still worried about the droopy eye. Third Miracle: That little voice in me kept nagging to make sure we didn’t leave without checking it out.

The doctor confirmed she had broken a rib, but there wasn’t a whole lot they could do about it and she would just have to take it easy. Kris looked at me in panic and asked how she was supposed to do that with the Mother’s Day brunch only hours away.

“Don’t worry,” I said, “I’ll handle it,” then I turned to the doctor and said I wanted a CT scan of her head.

“We don’t just do CT scans, unless we have a reason,” was her quick reply.

I knew we had a reason, a droopy eye and falling for no reason and I didn’t hesitate to tell the doctor.  That small voice kept whispering, “don’t leave here without one.”

The CT scan was done, and the doctor came back into the room, scooted her chair next to Kris and stated, “We have bigger problems that your broken ribs! My dear you have a very large tumor inside your head, and it is not in a good place.”

Kris and I cried together and then we started to grasp the magnitude of how that news was going to change her life.  Soon after, the hospital arranged for her to be taken over to OHSU for more tests and a plan to deal with the devastating news.  Her husband came over to accompany her to the hospital and together they started to plan their strategy. Everyone, her children, her husband , her family and many friends were devastated with the news.  We offered many prayers on her behalf.

I soon began to realize that God had intervened on her behalf, because her tumor was so close to cutting off the main blood supply to her brain, that before long, she would not have just fallen and broke a rib, she would have fallen and died, and no one until an autopsy was performed would have had a clue.

“If God knocked you off your feet to get your attention,” I told her, “then it is my guess, He still wants you to live.”  I knew fighting the battle would not be easy, but I also knew that her life was not supposed to be over. I believe in miracles, and I believe God talks to us. But then again, I do believe in God.  I also know that many times, before we know that for sure, we find ourselves on our knees.

Kris’s journey is far from over, she has had her first surgery, and must undergo more treatments and therapy, but she is alive and she hasn’t lost that inner light that many have learned to love about her.

More challenges have hit her, and she is learning the difficult lessons of reaching out, but I am sure in that area, she will also learn the valuable things we are taught when we let others in.

You can read more about her story by scrolling down to Kristy’s Journey, and also checking out her GoFundMe page at: http://www.gofundme.com/warriorsforkris

IMG_2523

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Broken Heart, Challenges, GoFundMe, Grief, Healing, Hope, Kathleen D. Hamilton, Light, Medical, Service, Trials

Caution: Don’t Overlook Miracles

KDH&BJH

IMG_2522

Many people have asked the question about how Kris found out about the tumor that planted itself deep inside her head and continued to grow without her knowledge for many years. So today I decided to share the story because it’s impact can teach many people about recognizing miracles or putting your faith and hope in God’s hands when you become afraid or when you want answers and can’t seem to find them.

Kris had many challenges in her life, first as a child, then as a young single mother, working hard to raise her three boys. One of the beautiful things about Kris is her ability to make others laugh with her jovial sense of humor, and her compassion for others.

She believed she had found love, and a life that brought her peace and security. She worked hard to get there, and it was fast becoming evident when she and her husband were able to open their own business, a restaurant in eastern Oregon, and she went in and added her creative touches to the place , so much so that when  customers walked through the door, they could feel her warmth and see her passion in the décor and food.

Preparing for her first Mother’s Day as a new owner last year, she decided to give her patron’s a beautiful Mother’s Day brunch.  I was going to help her, since I had owned a restaurant before and had done some catering, so we met the week before for breakfast at a restaurant in town to go over the final menu and plan out the shopping list.

First miracle: I usually sat next to her, so we could go over our list together but for some reason, I took the seat across the table.  I can’t explain why I did, only that I did. I sat there for a minute and looked into her eyes. Now, I knew she was tired, and she also shared with me that she was suffering from allergies that the sage brush was stirring up over there. But, when I noticed that her left eye was drooping, I became concerned.  I was no stranger to brain injury symptoms since I had experienced them with my other children, so I called her attention to the droopy eye, and said I was afraid she might have had a stroke.

She was young, so she wasn’t too concerned, and blamed in on her allergies.  However, I did ask her to so see a doctor.  “When I have time,” was her reply. I was concerned she would go back to work, get too involved and that time would never come.

A week later on the eve of Mother’s Day, she called me early in the morning and was crying in pain and asked if I could come and take her to the emergency room. Second Miracle:  Apparently she had been walking out of the restaurant and without warning she fell; she was sure she had broken a rib.

I remember driving over there thinking that this would also be a good opportunity to have a doctor look at her head.  I was still worried about the droopy eye. Third Miracle: That little voice in me kept nagging to make sure we didn’t leave without checking it out.

The doctor confirmed she had broken a rib, but there wasn’t a whole lot they could do about it and she would just have to take it easy. Kris looked at me in panic and asked how she was supposed to do that with the Mother’s Day brunch only hours away.

“Don’t worry,” I said, “I’ll handle it,” then I turned to the doctor and said I wanted a CT scan of her head.

“We don’t just do CT scans, unless we have a reason,” was her quick reply.

I knew we had a reason, a droopy eye and falling for no reason and I didn’t hesitate to tell the doctor.  That small voice kept whispering, “don’t leave here without one.”

The CT scan was done, and the doctor came back into the room, scooted her chair next to Kris and stated, “We have bigger problems that your broken ribs! My dear you have a very large tumor inside your head, and it is not in a good place.”

Kris and I cried together and then we started to grasp the magnitude of how that news was going to change her life.  Soon after, the hospital arranged for her to be taken over to OHSU for more tests and a plan to deal with the devastating news.  Her husband came over to accompany her to the hospital and together they started to plan their strategy. Everyone, her children, her husband , her family and many friends were devastated with the news.  We offered many prayers on her behalf.

I soon began to realize that God had intervened on her behalf, because her tumor was so close to cutting off the main blood supply to her brain, that before long, she would not have just fallen and broke a rib, she would have fallen and died, and no one until an autopsy was performed would have had a clue.

“If God knocked you off your feet to get your attention,” I told her, “then it is my guess, He still wants you to live.”  I knew fighting the battle would not be easy, but I also knew that her life was not supposed to be over. I believe in miracles, and I believe God talks to us. But then again, I do believe in God.  I also know that many times, before we know that for sure, we find ourselves on our knees.

Kris’s journey is far from over, she has had her first surgery, and must undergo more treatments and therapy, but she is alive and she hasn’t lost that inner light that many have learned to love about her.

More challenges have hit her, and she is learning the difficult lessons of reaching out, but I am sure in that area, she will also learn the valuable things we are taught when we let others in.

You can read more about her story by scrolling down to Kristy’s Journey, and also checking out her GoFundMe page at: http://www.gofundme.com/warriorsforkris

IMG_2523

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2015, Broken Heart, Challenges, Healing, Kathleen D. Hamilton, Light, Mountains, Prayer

Angels on the Street

KDH&BJH

This is a true story. Told to me personally by a young man whose name shall remain anonymous simply because it could be any one of us at any time in our lives, or because for only one to own the story would be to say this doesn’t happen all that often. However, I believe it does, but many just don’t know how to tell their story, or they hold it inside because of fear of ridicule, or simply because they were not ready for the lesson, the change or the realization that we are never alone on our journey through this life.

The story began a long time ago when this young man was just a teenager. He thought it would be cool to experiment with drugs just a little. He knew better, but he also figured he would be strong enough to quit whenever he wanted. What he didn’t count on was how fun it was to experience the highs of Meth and other drugs and how easy it was to get his hands on. He didn’t need money, all his friends were much too eager to supply him with anything he wanted. Addiction never likes to travel alone, well at least not in the beginning. It has that iron-vice grip that likes to hold on and send someone flying high and mighty before it releases its grip and sends them falling mercilessly to their death or drops them into a large dark pit that if they are to survive, they will have to relentlessly claw their way out . Many have admitted death seemed easier.

He was about to lose everything, his family, his friends, his health and especially his life. His first miracle arrived with the birth of his Son and the realization that if he didn’t kick the habit, he would lose him. The first great battle of his addiction was born out of a desire to be there for his son. However, what many don’t know is when someone kicks a very addicting type of behavior without some type of professional intervention; they will usually find another type of behavior to replace it. This was the case, and it was replaced with excessive alcohol use with the justification being that at least it was legal.

Anyone who has had alcohol steal their life will tell you it’s just as evil and destructive as any street drug or substance can be. When it gets its grip on you it never wants to let go and the destruction starts to take everything away, drink by drink.

The state took his son away until he could be rehabilitated, and if he didn’t prove he could be within a certain amount of time, they would simply adopt him to another family and his son would be lost to him forever. Day after Day, he fought the battle. He would wander the street in the cold when he would get kicked out of his home for drinking. Every event crippled him to the point of not wanting to live another day.

“Whenever I would drink,” he said, “it was like I was living in the twilight zone, nothing made sense, things seemed surreal and I was constantly spinning out of control with a desire to take charge of my life but a feeling of hopelessness.” For the few moments I was ever sober, I petitioned God to rescue me, but I never was sober long enough to get His answer. I knew my mother was always praying for me and I began to hope that would be enough, but I also knew she was powerless to do anything on my behalf, because I was too drunk to listen. She had always heard that love just had to be enough until I decided to get sober.

One day after a drinking binge, his girlfriend kicked him out of the house. She opened the door and told him to leave or she would call the police. “I didn’t have time put shoes on,” he said, “I just headed out the door suffering from a major hangover and fuming at her for taking a stand once and for all against my drinking.” He wondered how she could do that if she loved him.   “You see,” he went on, “we don’t ever see the anguish that goes on inside of those people that love you. I was no exception. “

It was early morning and he had nowhere to go, bare feet and all. He finally decided he would take the long trek down the road to get to the gas station where he used to work,  but was fired from because of his alcohol use. They would at least allow him to use the phone to call his mother to come and pick him up. He knew she would do it even though she didn’t live close by. She was about the only one that would, everyone else was sick of him. However, he would have to listen to all the reasons why he had to stop drinking and she would go on and on about how he needed to get help.

As he walked, he noticed people were giving him strange glances. After all, you don’t often see grown men walking down the road barefooted in cold early morning weather. He began to feel a little embarrassed. It was actually degrading to realize what his life had become. These things happened way too often. Tears started to well up in his eyes and he looked up and began to ask God for help. “I can’t do this anymore he told Him, please help me.”

His feet were raw by the time he neared the gas station. He was on the opposite side of the highway from it, so he pushed the button on the pole and waited for the signal that it was safe to cross. While waiting, he heard a voice ask him where his shoes were. He turned to see a homeless man sitting by the curb obviously taking a moment to rest for a while before continuing on his journey.

“Your feet look terrible,” the old guy said, “You can’t walk around without shoes, you will get sick.”

He just looked at the old guy like he had just appeared out of nowhere. How could he explain why he had no shoes?

“Here,” the old guy said, “You take my shoes before your feet start to bleed.” As he was speaking he started to remove his shoes.

All kind of thoughts started to run through this young man’s mind as he witnessed this old guy who probably had no idea where his next meal was coming from offering to give him his only pair of shoes. At what point in each of our lives do we finally get it? Carrying another’s burden sometimes, even when we have our own is pure Christ like. And for this man to offer him his shoes made everything else seem unimportant in comparison.

“No, I will not take your shoes,” he said with tears in his eyes, I’ll be getting help soon. “You need your shoes more than I do because I do have a home.”   For the first time in a long time, he had to acknowledge that God shows up just when he should and if we are ready, He teaches us. This young man said this small but also momentous incident was the catalyst to change his life. Realizing on a cold morning on a cold hard street in bare feet, God sent an angel to hear his cry. This angel offered him his shoes. We are only a prayer away from petitioning God.

You never know when you may be the angel that will help someone change the course of their life.

Broken Heart, Challenges, Healing, Kathleen D. Hamilton, Light, Mountains, Prayer, Trials

Learning How to Hold Your Heart in Your Hands When You Have to Face Illness Alone

KDH&BJH

heart in hands

 

A few years back, my husband at the time became ill and required surgery. As a result of the surgery, he lost his ability to walk and was sentenced to a wheel chair. My immediate thought process took on a feeling of fear. Fear for what he would have to live with, and fear for how my life of relative independence was going to drastically change. A bad break for us both, but it never entered my mind that I would leave him because of the loss of his legs.

A memory that still remains etched in my mind is the day I was helping him out of bed to the shower, which was very a difficult thing to handle physically, and he looked up at me and said, “Thank you for doing this!” My immediate reply was, “Your welcome, you would do it for me if the tables were turned.” To my horror he replied with a firm, no doubt answer of, “No I wouldn’t!”

Yes, there were problems in my marriage. Big ones! Before him losing his ability to walk, I was going to leave him. But then, my conscience wouldn’t let me kick a man when he was down, and I knew his illness would not be the cause of me leaving, however, if he treated me cruel, then I would leave.

For a moment, I was grief stricken with his reply, and of course the first thing I did was begin to question my self-worth because who in the world would leave their spouse when they were at their lowest moment to suffer facing illness alone?

Maya Angelou always said when someone tells you who they are to believe them. He obviously knew himself better than I did and knew what he was willing to go through to be in a relationship. At least he was honest. Were my feelings of self-worth honest and why was I so quick to come to that assumption?

It’s taken me years to understand many things but human nature is pretty consistent with some things. Now there are always exceptions to every rule and the choices people make when they face hardships in their lives really do boil down to a combination of many things. Things like upbringing, experiences, past lessons in challenges, and spiritual beliefs. People don’t usually make a conscious choice to deliberately hurt someone; however people do make choices all the time about how to look out for their own lives and their own selfish nature. Some are more selfish than others. Being selfish isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes for our own health we do have to think of ourselves, but here is a study that has proven itself over and over. Men are more likely to leave their spouses when they become seriously ill.

In the beginning when young people marry, and they agree to honor each other in sickness and in health they imagine that means when they get to be old and feeble, they will both still be together because that is what old people do. Sure….if either gets a bad case of the flu, they will help make chicken broth until they can get out of bed and resume normal everyday activities.

A 2009 study published in the journal Cancer, found that a married woman diagnosed with a serious illness was six times more likely to be divorced or separated than a man with a similar diagnosis. Participants in the study showed that 21 percent for seriously ill women and 3 percent for seriously ill men. Here’s the kicker, the one I experienced, a serious illness was more likely to make husbands split and wives stay.

Now before anyone starts thinking that I am abusing the male species, I might add that there are many husbands who do take excellent care of their partners, but the number shows that men on a whole are less comfortable doing so. So for those that do…You are a hero in every sense of the word, and should feel proud.

Women are born to be caregivers and nurturers. It’s in our DNA and in a conventional marriage, women are usually the ones who stay home, care for the children and deal with illnesses on a more regular basis. God, I believe, designed it that way.

In the past, when someone got a serious illness, they would stay in the hospital longer. Now people are released sooner still needing constant care and emotional support, and unsuspecting husbands don’t have a clue how to give it. They’ve always been taught that they need to work, support the family and come and go as they feel necessary to do such things. Men don’t always know how to process their emotions and are less likely to turn to friends, counselors or groups for the help they need. Men typically rely on their spouses as their main confidants, and when she suddenly can’t carry that load and requires more  from them, they find themselves suffering feelings of abandonment. Like how dare she get ill and not carry her load anymore.

So what happens when all these things happen? Not feeling like he can be her knight in shining armor any more, a man may withdraw in a subconscious effort to minimize the pain he’d suffer should she not survive.

Now us women, we are great at taking the blame for all these things, and of course we are the first to wonder what is wrong with us when the man who we thought would love us forever just quits. It’s a hard mountain to tackle, because we can’t choose for anyone what they will do in a crisis. We might look at their lives and question what they missed that would make them jump ship, but we don’t live inside their heads, so we can’t really know.

Now the silver lining sometimes comes for couples who weather the storm together and because of facing the illness together become stronger than ever in their union. And for those blessed enough to experience this it is wonderful, and there are many who do. Women usually discover they can pull others into their lives to be there for them and to help pull them through the darkness. Darkness does not last forever! Men don’t always possess this gift.

Some men just don’t know how to be strong in the way that we women need them to be strong, and a strong woman who becomes ill usually leaves a bigger gap in the needs of men than a woman who has always been the needy one in a relationship. For that reason, a strong woman eventually knows how to rise above the challenge and become whole again. Men who become sick usually don’t survive well if they have been abandoned in their illness.

What is the lesson we can come away with here? There are many actually. First and foremost is the fact that relationships never come with a guarantee and in the best of circumstances, they require commitment, perseverance and loyalty. For those men who stay and honor the vows through everything, I salute you for being the hero. For those who must face it alone, just try to face it with faith that you will get through it and you will be stronger. Try to understand that you are not to blame for other’s choices. Answers aren’t always available but someday….God will explain it to us all in more detail, until then, hold on to your heart, be patient, and of course , pray a lot and understand you are never alone.

Challenges, Healing, Kathleen D. Hamilton, Light, Trials

Kristy’s Journey

KDH&BJH

 

Kristy anf Forest

Many of you know that I write about trials and challenges in my book “A Legitimate Journey”, and I even share my own stories hoping that some of the roads I have had to travel can help others travel some of their own difficult roads.  Getting through some of life’s most difficult hurdles and surviving to tell about them in no way means that our trials are over and we can sit back and relax because we believe we have seen it all.

Perhaps survival means we have learned lessons that have been hard to come by, or we know where to look first when another mountain suddenly appears and we wonder how we are going to climb it.  I have learned that one of the most difficult things to conquer when our eyes are filled with tears is simply turning our face towards God and asking for his peace and reassurance that He loves us and holds every part of our fragile life in His hands. I have learned that with God nothing is impossible and that love can solve many problems when we surrender to it.

People that know me, know of my story or something about my life probably also know that another mountain has presented itself with about as much fury and challenge as the rugged cliffs and crevices of a giant snowcapped mountain. I have had people inquire about my daughter Kristy’s diagnosis with a very rare and serious brain tumor . I have sat in with her from the beginning when it was first discovered to the visit where she was counseled to go home and put her affairs in orI was trying to google images of her diagnosis so I could explain it to family and friends so they would understand the trial she is facing and be able to pray for the strength and courage to face it.  While searching the internet for brain images, hoping to find something that could give us a visual of her condition, I came upon a small box with  four lines in it with these words: My Story, My Tumor, My Catalyst For Change.  I clicked on it and opened up a blog that I know God directed me to. I thought I understood what the doctors had said, but to explain it to others was something else. Yet what appeared before me was a brave young woman who so eloquently shared her story and became a beacon for our story. This was a woman, Cathy, who had been virtually given the same news we were given and sat in on the same kind of discussions with her doctor that we just finished sitting through.She traveled that scary road , rose up to victoriously share her story, her faith and her light so that my daughter and her family, now needing to take this journey, could travel  with much more light and hope. Her journey through this rarely uncharted territory literally became a beacon.  Because of her story, other doctors  could glean more knowledge and answers, and use them on behalf of my child. I am sharing this blog with all of you so that you can read and understand just a little more, and so that  as Kristy embarks on this journey you can pray on her behalf for peace, faith, and guidance for the doctors as they work to save her life so her children, her family and her many friends can keep  enjoying and experiencing the awesome wonderful  person that she is.   Kathy Hamilton

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Some of you know my story a little, some of you know it a lot. I can see my story differently now that a year has passed. I can really see how it’s affected me, and how things have changed SO much.

After reading my story, you’ll see why the Design Life Project is so dear to me, and I hope that it will encourage you to NEVER take things for granted, and NEVER GIVE UP.

One day in September 2011 I was in my bathroom doing my makeup. All of a sudden I noticed one of my lymph nodes under my jaw (close to my ear) was swollen. I felt the other side, and it was totally normal. That alarmed me a little, because usually when you’re fighting an infection, both lymph nodes are swollen. Still, I wasn’t going to run to the doctor just for that. A week or so later, it was still there. I told my husband, “Hey, my lymph node on my right side is swollen.”

Now if you know my husband Erik, you KNOW he’s a crazy hypochondriac (Love you baby!). So I really hesitated in telling him, but I needed to ask someone. He started immediately freaking out and demanding I go to the doctor. I acquiesced and said I’d make an appointment to see my Primary Care doctor. Erik insisted I get in RIGHT away, so I did.

Every time I go to the doctor thinking there’s something really wrong with me, there never is, so I wasn’t surprised when the doctor said it was nothing. The doctor felt the lump, and and was pretty nonchalant about it. “It is probably just your body fighting some kind of infection,” the doctor shrugged. “Give it a few weeks, and if it’s still there, I’ll refer you to an ENT (ear, nose and throat specialist).

Well that did NOT go over well with my husband. He was NOT happy and he demanded I get the appointment with the ENT right away – no more waiting. So I contacted my primary care and got an appointment to see an ENT.

The ENT appointment was BAD. If you’re squeamish about needles, just skip over this paragraph. I was NOT prepared for what was going to happen. The ENT first stuck a camera through my nasal passage (up my nose) all the way to my throat. PROBABLY one of the most painful things ever.

I remember my baby daughter who was 8 months at the time, sitting in her baby carrier, watching the whole thing, totally oblivious, as my husband squeezed my hand tight and tears fell down my cheeks.

The ENT said he didn’t see anything. He then told us he was going to do a fine-needle aspiration (FNA). He injected the mass with some numbing medication, then started the biopsy. The needle they use for this procedure is HUGE and it’s hollow. They are basically taking “cores” of the mass. So he proceeded to dig into the mass over and over, removing samples. Although I was numbed, this STILL HURT badly.

The ENT then ordered me to get a CT scan and an MRA (like an MRI but more detailed), and told me he’d call me when we got the results. I lagged on getting the scans done, as I figured it would be a waste of money/time to do the scans, if the FNA came back negative. The ENT called and he said the FNA was inconclusive (meaning they couldn’t tell if it was cancerous or not).  He scheduled an open biopsy surgery to remove more of the tissue. He asked if I’d gotten the scans done, and I told him I hadn’t, so he scheduled it a couple days before the surgery.

He ordered a rush on the results of the scans, and called me back the day before the surgery, saying he canceled it. He diagnosed me with a Carotid Body Tumor (CBT), and said he was referring me to a vascular surgeon who specialized in these things, but beyond that he did not explain anything to me about what the diagnosis meant.

So in comes Google! I googled Carotid Body Tumor. Basically it’s a tumor that grows in the “carotid body” – the area between where your carotid artery splits (it’s like a Y). The type of tumor is called a paraganglioma. I also read that it was EXTREMELY rare. I really couldn’t get a ton of information on it. That’s about all I knew before going to see the vascular surgeon.

The vascular surgeon appointment was totally surreal. The other shoe finally dropped, when he explained exactly what I had, what it meant, and the treatment options.

The doctor told us, “I don’t want to sugar-coat this. The tumor you have is very serious. It is three-quarters of the way wrapped around your carotid arteries. We won’t know if it’s cancerous or not until it’s removed.”

“The FNA was extremely dangerous to do with this type of vascular (full of vessels) tumor, because it could have caused internal bleeding. It is a slow-growing tumor, so you don’t have to get it removed immediately, but it is only going to grow, and it’s very large now.” I remember hearing his words like I was watching a movie. I was very removed from the situation.

He continued, “The surgery to remove this tumor is difficult, requires a lot of skill, and is very dangerous. Since this tumor is so very rare, not a lot of people have worked on them. I’ve done a lot of them compared to most people in this area (Southern California) – I’ve performs 5 of these surgeries in my 20 year practice. I have to be honest with you, and tell you, 4 of the surgeries were successful, but one of the surgeries, the woman suffered a massive stroke.”

“You see, the danger in this surgery is that the tumor grows on the carotid arteries, and it is very difficult to differentiate where the artery ends and where the tumor begins. Your carotid artery supplies blood to the brain. If the artery accidentally gets cut in the process, it has to be clamped to be repaired, and while it’s being repaired, it’s not supplying blood to the brain – which causes a stroke.”

At this point, I was pretty removed from reality. I had the oddest response. I remember SMILING and feeling like I needed to hold in my laugh. Almost like – “Oh OKAY yeah sure. I have a crazy tumor and have to undergo a surgery that could kill me or cause permanent brain damage. RIIIIGHT.”

Erik didn’t find it so funny. He was pale and he was shaking. I didn’t know what to say to him, or how to make it any easier.

The doctor continued by explaining all of the other possible side effects that were more likely – like me having to eat from a feeding tube the rest of my life. The neck and carotid artery are surrounded by very sensitive nerves, that control a lot of different things. There is a main nerve there that controls your mouth, throat and swallowing. If during the process they injure the nerve or have to remove part of it to remove the tumor, I would lose control of my ability to swallow on my own.

My tumor was also on the right side, which meant it controlled the RIGHT side of my brain. I need my RIGHT brain. I use it. A LOT. It was quite literally my creativity at stake.

The doctor finished up by telling us he would give us some time to think about what we wanted to do. He recommended waiting until after the holidays. Of course. Not a fun Christmas present.

This was the beginning of the darkest period of my life. I had to face this surgery eventually. It was like this cloud entered my life and made it’s home above my heart. All I could see was dark skies and rainy days. It was very hard to feel joy during this time.

The worst part of it all was that I was now a mother, to an amazing little baby girl. This changed EVERYTHING for me. I could not imagine Aven having to grow up without a mom – or worse – with a mom who was mentally disabled. Honestly there were a LOT of “ifs” that could happen with this surgery, and they loomed over me like nothing I have ever felt. I played out this scene in my mind a million times:

“My mother died.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.”
“Oh, it’s okay, she died when I was young, I didn’t KNOW HER.”

It devastated me to imagine she might never know me. She’d never know the sleepless nights, the love and care I had for her. She would never know the sound of my voice or the touch of my skin. She would NEVER know.

I also played out the scene if I’d suffered brain damage. I imagined her having to treat her mom like a child, and never knowing how I used to be. I imagined people telling her stories about me, and her wishing she could have seen me like that.

It was terrible. My mind was a minefield with horrible thoughts. I’d break down and cry in the middle of the day. I’d scream to God and tell him that I didn’t understand why this was happening to me. I wondered why God would let this happen. I wondered if my time on Earth was done. I wondered why I was even here. I pictured my family, my husband, living the rest of their lives, either without me, or having to take care of me.

I imagined the moment BEFORE being put to sleep, wondering if it would be my last moment. I wondered if I suffered brain damage, if I would “know” it. Would I understand that I was disabled? Even worse, would I understand and not be able to communicate it?

Erik was very strong through these days, until one night. He broke down and started sobbing. My husband NEVER cries. This was probably only the 3rd time I’d ever seen it, and this one was the worst. He cried out,

“God, you can take ANYTHING, but you CAN’T take my WIFE.”

It killed me inside.

I remember being so upset at people around me taking things for granted. People would complain about the stupidest things. Every time I heard someone complaining about something dumb – like TRAFFIC – on Facebook, I wanted to scream at them – “WELL AT LEAST YOU DON’T HAVE A TUMOR!!” I was upset that they got the LUXURY of worrying about traffic. I was possibly facing my last days on Earth. I was facing possibly leaving my husband a widow, and my daughter motherless.

I was supposed to have the surgery in April, and I just couldn’t confirm a date with them. The whole situation just DIDN’T FEEL RIGHT. Something was missing and I just didn’t know why. I felt SO ALONE and SO afraid. The tumor is so rare, that I still couldn’t find much information on survivors. I couldn’t find anyone who had BEEN through it. I didn’t fit in with people battling cancer, and I couldn’t talk to my family or friends, because they just couldn’t understand.

I decided to search, search and search some more. One night on my iPad, I found a forum with people who had been diagnosed with a CBT. It hadn’t been updated after the person had the surgery. But I posted anyway. I posted about my diagnosis. I then got a private message from a member, who told me they had a private Facebook group! I immediately connected with a woman named Valerie.

I remember telling her she was like an angel. She told me her story and it was very similar to mine. She’d had the tumor removed and she was fine!

She told me about the National Institute of Health (NIH) in Washington, D.C. She told me they had a protocol (basically like a clinical trial) that studies these rare types of tumors, and that they operate on them often. She said all I had to do was get accepted into the program.

At this moment, it was like the cloud above my heart, suddenly floated away. The sun shone on my heart and I felt a million pounds lifted from my shoulders. It was the answer to my prayers, and I felt a peace come over me instantly. I felt God in that moment, I was truly wrapped in his warm embrace.

I knew this was the answer. Even though I hadn’t even applied or wasn’t even accepted, I knew. I immediately told Erik and he had the same reaction as me (Hallelujah!). I remember not worrying about how much it would cost, I knew God would provide. I later asked Valerie about the cost. She said, “Oh gosh, I forgot to mention, it’s all paid for! It’s for governmental research.” My miracle really had arrived. I applied, sent them my scans, and got invite to fly out to D.C. to get the testing done.

The Facebook group was solace for me.

Finally, people who understood. We were united in our rareness.

It was also difficult, as some of the members would pass away. They would change their profile pictures to an in-memory candle when someone from the group would pass away. There was one that affected me more deeply than the others. She was 33 years old. I stared at her posts pre-surgery, I heard her voice. And now she was gone.

In May of 2012 my dad and I flew out to D.C. to NIH. I underwent a week’s worth of testing. I was a literal lab rat. They sampled just about every liquid in my body, and did numerous body scans, complete with nuclear injections. I was pretty much glowing in the dark after that week.

A few weeks later, they scheduled my surgery for the end of August. The next three months were extremely tough. I was still very afraid.

I decided in order to be strong, I had to make peace with the fact that I may not make it through surgery. I had to lean on God’s understanding – that if it was His will, it was part of His plan. I decided if I was ready to die, I could face the surgery knowing I had done all that I could do.

I spent the next three months preparing for my own death.

I created a will, and a living will – which is basically stating your wishes should you become incapacitated – a very REAL threat in my case. I gave the orders of what to do should I become a vegetable or unable to speak my wishes. I made sure my life insurance was current. I wrote down all my bank account information.

I prepared my business. I got all my clients projects in order. I was going to be totally responsible, and not leave anything to Erik to have to deal with. I prepared my assistant with all the info she would need, and gave my mother-in-law access to running the business financials if she needed to. I wrote letters to my loved ones.

I hired a professional photographer to take family photos of us in our home, and a professional videographer to help me make a video for my daughter.

I basically made the video, to tell my daughter GOODBYE.
I told my daughter how much I had LOVED her.

During this time I read an AMAZING book called One Month to Live: Thirty Days to a No-Regrets Life by Kerry Shook. In it, he explores what we would do if we only had 30 days left to live. He explores the idea of legacy, and the world and the people you’re leaving behind. He talks about what people would have to say about you, and how you lived.

Did I live the life I was supposed to? Did I use the gifts God had given me?

When we are gone, all that matters is how we affected others.

Had I really made a difference?

When it was all said and done, when I met God would he say, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things.” Matthew 25:23

I started to switch my thinking from “what if I don’t survive it” to “what if I DO survive it?” I started to think about how this fit into God’s plan. If I survived, what was His reason for keeping me here? If I survived, it meant I had work left to do. I decided if I did survive, that my life would have to change.

So the day finally came to leave for the east coast. My husband and I decided to spend the first 5 days of our trip, having fun. We went to NYC and stayed in Times Square. We lived it up, and had a wonderful time. We then took a train from New York to Washington, D.C., and a cab to NIH, which is in Bethesda, Maryland.

I ended up catching a cold in NYC, and it delayed my surgery. I was inpatient the whole week, so I was in the hospital and had to sleep apart from Erik. They have testing all week and the surgeries on Friday. I was still very sick by Thursday, so they canceled the surgery. I was so frustrated, I just wanted to get on the other side of the surgery. We had to cancel our return flight. Being sick in the hospital is a big deal, I was on quarantine from the other patients and had to wear masks and gloves. A few days later, they finally cleared me to have surgery. The night before my surgery, I spent a lot of time alone with God. I gave it to Him, I knew I was in His hands and I felt peace.

That night, I read my Facebook, and there was such an outpouring of prayers for me. My friends had posted on their pages to pray for me and my surgery. It meant the world to me, and I knew if this life was over, that I was loved.

The next morning I got up bright and early, and showered. Erik came to be with me. We waited. And waited. And waited. 3 hours after they were supposed to get me, they finally showed up with the gurney. The gurney trip to the OR was long. My heart pounded. When I got to the hallway outside the OR, the anesthesiologist met me. This was the time when I was supposed to get the “triple cocktail” as they called it. It was basically a mix of medications to relax you before entering the OR. The anesthesiologist informed me because we were running so late, that we would have to skip it, and that now it was time to say goodbye to my husband.

I wish I could say that I was strong in that moment. But I wasn’t. I broke down into tears and started sobbing uncontrollably. My husband kissed me and told me he loved me.

One of my doctors/surgeons touched my foot and said, “Catherine, it will be okay. We will take good care of you.”

And it meant the world to me and I was able to stop crying (Thank you Dr. Patel).

I went into the OR. It was a HUGE room where the left side of the room was all glass – an observation area, and there were a few people sitting there, observing from another room. I assume they were students (NIH has a renowned program). I was SO scared. I remember every second like it was yesterday. The sounds of the room, the machines, the tools. There were probably about 10 people in the room, all busy doing things to prepare.

They were trying to get an IV set up in my hand, and the anesthesiologist and nurse started arguing about placement. The anesthesiologist told the nurse, “Let’s talk about this in a minute,” meaning let’s talk about this AFTER the patient is asleep. They tried to give me oxygen through my nose, but I was all stuffed up from the cold that I couldn’t breathe right. They gave me a mask instead.

All I could do was stare at the ceiling, counting down the minutes until this was over. Minutes turned to hours.

I prayed, “God just get me through these next few seconds. I just want to get through these next few seconds, so that I can finally hand it all over to you.”

The anesthesiologist told me, “Alrightie, let’s have you take a little nap!” And I was out.

I woke up when I was being rolled into recovery. The next few minutes were a ton of TMI, so I’ll spare you those details. Basically I had a rough time coming out of anesthesia. The nurse asked if I wanted my husband, and I said yes.

My husband had a huge smile on his face and kept saying, “You did it baby! You made it!!”

I immediately asked him to get on my Facebook on my phone, and let everyone know I was okay. First things first, right?

The surgery was a success. They removed all of the tumor. I thought the coast was clear. I looked at myself in a mirror, and I realized something was wrong. The right side of my face was mostly paralyzed. I couldn’t make a full smile, and my eyelid was droopy on that side.

Later on, the head surgeon came in to check on me. He explained to me how bad my tumor was and how difficult it was to remove. They almost had to dislocate my jaw to get all of it. It had grown all the way up to the base of my skull. He said there may have been some nerves damaged because of all the jostling, but that nothing was severed. He told me it was called Horner’s syndrome. It’s where there is damage to the sympathetic nerve chain, and causes the drooping eyelid. He said it was most likely temporary. I was lucky to be alive, so I didn’t really let it bother me much.

We flew home a few days later. I was still in a lot of pain, but it was my husband’s 32 birthday, so we had a lot of family in town. What an awesome birthday present huh?

I had a new lease on life. I loved more, complained less, and pushed my art to new heights. I filled my days and my life with things that mattered. I finally realized how much of a BLESSING this whole ordeal was to me. I had survived and I was here for a reason. AMEN, AMEN, AMEN.

I finally got back the pathology report, and it said something VERY unexpected. It said the tumor was a Schwannoma. NOT a paraganglioma like everyone thought. A schwannoma? What the heck is that? Instead of a vascular tumor that grows on your arteries, it’s a tumor that is full of nerve cells, and grows on the nerves. This explained my nerve damage.

So back to Google I go. I start searching Cervical Sympathetic Chain Schwannoma. The more I research, I find out that this tumor is EVEN rarer than the first!

To this day, I haven’t met another person who has had this. There are only about 60 documented cases of a Cervical Sympathetic Chain Schwannoma in the ENGLISH LANGUAGE. Which would make it about ONE in a MILLION people get this.

So… was it cancerous?

I got ahold of one of my doctors at NIH (I had about 5 of them) and she finally answered my question on if it was cancerous or not – “We don’t know.” She explained that basically these tumors are still quite a mystery. They are basically cancer – but they don’t say they are cancerOUS until they metastasize – spread. So she explained that if it spreads, it’s cancerous, and if it doesn’t, it was benign. I was also tested for a genetic mutation that they think can cause these tumors. I was negative for the gene mutation, which was a big relief, because it could have been passed on to my daughter.

So now, on the one year anniversary of my surgery, I’m tumor-free. The nerve damage has mostly healed. I have a few issues with my vocals, but nothing big.

Surgeons removed a tumor from my neck, but God performed surgery on my heart. He healed me. He healed more than just my body. He healed my blindness and apathy.

God showed me what is important, and that’s OTHERS. I want to make a difference in others, and I want to help people. I want to serve His people.

I want to SHARE this story to all who will listen.

This is why the Design Life Project means so much to me. I want to encourage you to live a life you LOVE. I want to encourage you to be THERE for your family. To do your ABSOLUTE best at what you do. To CARE for and BLESS one another. To LOVE with everything you’ve got, and to NEVER take it for granted.

Thank you for blessing me by reading my story. Now make the rest of today COUNT.

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See more at: http://designlifeproject.com/2013/08/23/my-story/#sthash.sgiCo5ZK.dpuf

Broken Heart, Challenges, Grief, Healing, Kathleen D. Hamilton, Light, Mountains, Trials

Mountains and Valleys

KDH&BJH

 

While sitting on top of the mountain made of granite and rock , I questioned why it hadn’t sunk into the soft earth that held it in place below me. Could it be that things are not as they seem?

How could the weakness of the soft rain drenched ground hold up such a heavy stone? I looked around and observed the heavens , then questioned  how a large man made piece of metal , like an airplane, managed to stay in the air, or how a vessel that weighs tons can stay afloat on the glassy waters of the sea. How is it that things that appear so light can hold up things that appear so powerful and heavy?

I was stuck on the rock, but why was I so willing to remain there when its sharpness sent jolts of pain through me every time I moved or changed positions. I was physically capable of lowering myself to the forgiving softness of the ground, but why didn’t I?

I used to lie on the soft earth and walk in gentle meadows under the warmth of  sunlight, breathing in the scent of sweet air after a gentle rain , yet not pause to allow its beauty to tug at my heart. It wasn’t until I was on that mountain of a rock that those days seemed so close, yet so far away. So again, I asked myself,  if life placed me there, was it my fate or obligation  to remain?

climbing mountain 3

A journey of self-discovery usually begins when life gives us a mountain to climb and we are at a loss how to not only climb it, but how to get off of it when we do.  Life certainly has its fair share of rocks and mountains, and I’m sure they serve a purpose. They are  like trials and pain. It doesn’t matter how we landed there, but in realizing that wherever we happen to  land doesn’t have to be our permanent home.  Mountains show up more as teachers than eternal punishments.  Reaching the top helps us see things differently and with more clarity. Sometimes our journeys land us in difficult places just long enough to see the things we so often take for granted. There is nothing like a view from a mountain top when we want to witness God’s beautiful creations.

We might mistake our reliance on God and spirituality as a weakness or an excuse for dealing with the honest brutal truth of trials and hardships, but the truth is,  God is the strength that can hold us up no matter where we land. The soft whispers of the spirit, the gentle stream of light that flows into our being is much like the soft moist earth that can hold up a mountain. Things aren’t always as they seem, and strength doesn’t always come from the earthly beliefs that we have come to rely on.

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It isn’t the mountain that is painful as much as the belief that you can’t move off it. There are times a mountain can provide a shelter from the storm, or be a foundation for a lighthouse on the shore.  We all need lighthouses! The skies aren’t always blue over our lives, and storms come and go, but like the light from a lighthouse that shines out into the dark stormy night, survival can come by following it to safety. If you must cling to a rock for a while until the storm passes, it’s good to know you can eventually climb down to once again feel the soft gentle grass under your feet. You can know that as sure as you progress on your journey, the pain of the rock can just as quickly change your terrain from the dark abyss of pain and suffering to the beautiful meadows of peace again, remember though that just as the sun covers you in the warmth of its glow, rains must come to water the meadows.

 

 

Our landscapes may change, and storms will still rage, but flowers still bloom and we still grow. We can survive the winters if we learn to take shelter in each other’s arms and allow the gentle embrace of God to cradle us in his care.

Helen Keller wrote: “What we have once enjoyed, we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes part of us.”   Finding our way home through grief and trials usually teaches us that those meadows we long for and those warm rays of sun are not forever lost to us, sometimes we just need to become more aware of them and reach out to grasp onto them.  Antoine de Saint Exuperty who wrote the book The Little Prince wrote: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly. That which is essential is invisible to the eye.”

That which is essential is the soft ground that holds the rock, the soft clouds that supports the airplane, and the gentle waters that holds up the ship. That which is essential to healing is God.